When Relationships Flatline

“When Relationships Flatline” 
Pastor John Morgan
February 16, 2020

The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.”

• John 4:15-19, NKJV

In John 4:15-19, Jesus was with a woman at a well. The woman is surprised that Jesus knows who she is and the relationships that lie behind her. Her relationships had flatlined, but Jesus offers her hope. 

What happens when our relationships flatline? Jesus offers to restore us. We don’t have to continue living in brokenness. Just because we encounter offense or even abuse in our relationships doesn’t mean we have to live with a root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:15).

The woman at the well is in a cycle of repetitive brokenness and says, “give me water so I might not thirst.” Sometimes value can’t be seen unless you look below the surface. A plot of land filled with thistles may turn out to be very valuable because of coal beneath it. A beautiful young woman in an abusive relationship may not feel beautiful, even though she is. Abuse can affect the way we see ourselves. What do we do about these relational flatlines?

1. Avoid Pullback

Jesus pursues us. In John 4:3-6, Jesus is already waiting at the well. He was there when the woman came to get water. When Jesus is at the well, everything turns out well. In Genesis 28, Jacob is on the run. His father is dying, he has left his mother who was always there for him, and his brother wants him dead. That’s a lot of family flatlining. But God is waiting for him as he runs away. When Jacob wakes up in the morning, he declares: the Lord was in this place. God promises to redeem everything Jacob has been through. We must press onward in faith, even when relationships are flatlining all around us. 

2. Avoid Pushback

Isolation may feel good to you, but it is not good for you. The woman came to the well in the heat of the day so she could avoid the other women. She didn’t want to talk about her pain or listen to what others might say. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.” When our relationships flatline, we need intervention, intercession, and interaction, not isolation.

3. Avoid the Payback

When we get angry at our relational flatlines, the anger will try to control us. It’s better for us to control our anger instead. We reduce ourselves to about twenty-five percent of our intelligence when we are angry. 

At the bitter waters of Mara, Moses had to heal bitterness in order to move onward to Elim where there were fresh springs and palm trees (Exodus 15:22-23). We can’t afford the luxury of bitterness destroying our lives, and we don’t want our anger to bleed out onto our children. When we embrace Jesus, the gift of living water, he heals our pain and bitterness. 

4. Avoid the Stayback

When our relationships flatline, it’s important that we are proactive in moving forward. To navigate through our pain, we need to ask for help. When we’re in pain, we often can’t see the way forward. We should choose someone trustworthy to guide us when we know we’re too broken to make the right choices. 

5. Avoid the Playback

It’s tempting to play back the past when our relationships flatline and ask the question: “Why?” However, figuring out the “why” does not make the pain go away. We should focus instead on what can bring healing.

Jesus, quoting Isaiah in Luke 4:17-21, says he has good news for the poor. He promises liberty for the captives and a new heart for the brokenhearted. Just as we are, he gives us a brand new start. We don’t have to live as prisoners. We pray that Jesus will drench us in his love and wrap his arms around us. Let his grace overshadow our pain, put the broken pieces back together, and bring joy.

Reflection/Discussion Questions:

1. Do you believe that Jesus can and will bring this kind of healing to you? Why or why not?

2. If you’re not sure about such healing, take some time to tell Jesus your worries and fears.

3. Think of a time when an encounter with Jesus at the well in your life brought change, comfort or the courage to break out of isolation and look for help.

4. If you have never had such an experience but would like to, ask Jesus to meet you right where you are. Use your own words, speak directly from your heart and point straight to what needs healing.